Who are those parents with ineffective parenting styles
Are you an ineffective parents? Let's examine your styles.
Are you Helicopter Parents? Let's see,
Some parents think that love means revolving their lives around theirchildren. They are helicopter parents. They hover over and then rescue
their children whenever trouble arises. They’re forever running lunches,
permission slips, band instruments, and homework assignments to school.
They’re always pulling their children out of jams. Not a day goes by
when they’re not protecting little junior from something — usually from
a growing experience — he needs or deserves. As soon as their children
send up an SOS flare, helicopter parents, who are ready hovering nearby,
swoop in and shield the children from teachers, playmates, and other
elements that appear hostile.
While today these “loving” parents may feel they are easing their
children’s path into adulthood, tomorrow the same children will be
leaving home and wasting the first eighteen months of their adult life
flunking out of college or meandering about “getting their heads
together.” Such children are unequipped for the challenges of life. Their
significant learning opportunities were stolen from them in the name of
love.
The irony is that helicopter parents are often viewed by others as
model parents. They feel uncomfortable imposing consequences. When
they see their children hurting, they hurt too, so they bail them out.
But the real world does not run on the bail-out principle. Traffic
tickets, overdue bills, irresponsible people, crippling diseases, taxes —
these and other normal events of adult life usually do not disappear
because a loving benefactor bails us out. Helicopter parents fail to
prepare their kids to meet that kind of world.
Are you The Evolution of the Helicopter Parent: The Turbo-Attack Helicopter
Model?
These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect world for
their kids. This perfect world is one in which their kids never have to face
struggle, inconvenience, discomfort, or disappointment. It is a life in
which the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of
credentials. They look great on paper with all of their high grades,
extracurricular activities, awards, and special honors. These kids lead a
life where their mistakes are swept under the table. We have often heard
helicopter parents say, “It’s a competitive world out there and I want my
kids to have every advantage. Mistakes they make when they are young
should not hold them back later.”
These parents, in their zeal to protect their young, swoop down like
together.” Such children are unequipped for the challenges of life. Their
significant learning opportunities were stolen from them in the name of
love.
The irony is that helicopter parents are often viewed by others as
model parents. They feel uncomfortable imposing consequences. When
they see their children hurting, they hurt too, so they bail them out.
But the real world does not run on the bail-out principle. Traffic
tickets, overdue bills, irresponsible people, crippling diseases, taxes —
these and other normal events of adult life usually do not disappear
because a loving benefactor bails us out. Helicopter parents fail to
prepare their kids to meet that kind of world.
Model?
their kids. This perfect world is one in which their kids never have to face
struggle, inconvenience, discomfort, or disappointment. It is a life in
which the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of
credentials. They look great on paper with all of their high grades,
extracurricular activities, awards, and special honors. These kids lead a
life where their mistakes are swept under the table. We have often heard
helicopter parents say, “It’s a competitive world out there and I want my
kids to have every advantage. Mistakes they make when they are young
should not hold them back later.”
These parents, in their zeal to protect their young, swoop down like
jet-powered AH-64 Apache attack helicopters on any person or agency they
see as a threat to their child’s impeccable credentials. Armed with verbal
smart bombs, they are quick to blast away at anyone who sets high
standards for behavior, morality, or achievement.
Declaring their child a victim is a favorite tactical maneuver, designed
to send school personnel or social workers diving into the trenches for
protection. Teachers and school administrators become worn down by
these parents’ constant barrage. It is horribly disappointing to watch kids
learn to blame others for their lack of success instead of becoming people
who reach goals through effort and determination. I daily hear about the
turbo jet-powered helicopter parents who are not satisfied with just
protecting their children but even prefer to destroy the infrastructure of
the very agencies dedicated to nurturing their children into educated,
moral human beings.
The company who hires a helicopter kid won’t be intimidated by
parental pressure in the face of substandard performance. A perfect image
and spotless school transcript are poor substitutes for character and the
attitude that achievement comes through struggle and perseverance. Such
aggressive protection of their children will simply accomplish the exact
opposite of what helicopter parents are trying to achieve.
When drill sergeant parents talk to children, their words are often filled
with put-downs and I-told-you-so’s. These parents are into power! If
children don’t do what they’re told, drill sergeant parents are going to —
doggone it all — make them do it.
Kids of drill sergeant parents, when given the chance to think for
themselves, often make horrendous decisions — to the
see as a threat to their child’s impeccable credentials. Armed with verbal
smart bombs, they are quick to blast away at anyone who sets high
standards for behavior, morality, or achievement.
Declaring their child a victim is a favorite tactical maneuver, designed
to send school personnel or social workers diving into the trenches for
protection. Teachers and school administrators become worn down by
these parents’ constant barrage. It is horribly disappointing to watch kids
learn to blame others for their lack of success instead of becoming people
who reach goals through effort and determination. I daily hear about the
turbo jet-powered helicopter parents who are not satisfied with just
protecting their children but even prefer to destroy the infrastructure of
the very agencies dedicated to nurturing their children into educated,
moral human beings.
The company who hires a helicopter kid won’t be intimidated by
parental pressure in the face of substandard performance. A perfect image
and spotless school transcript are poor substitutes for character and the
attitude that achievement comes through struggle and perseverance. Such
aggressive protection of their children will simply accomplish the exact
opposite of what helicopter parents are trying to achieve.
Or, are you a drill sergeant parent?
with put-downs and I-told-you-so’s. These parents are into power! If
children don’t do what they’re told, drill sergeant parents are going to —
doggone it all — make them do it.
Kids of drill sergeant parents, when given the chance to think for
themselves, often make horrendous decisions — to the
complete consternation and disappointment of their parents. But it makes sense.
These kids are rookies in the world of decision making. They’ve never
had to think — the drill sergeant took care of that. The kids have been
ordered around all their lives. They’re as dependent on their parents as
the kids of helicopter parents.
In addition, when the children of drill sergeant parents reach their teen
years, they are even more susceptible to peer pressure than most other
teens. Why? Because, as children, when the costs of mistakes were low,
they were never allowed to make their own decisions but were trained to
listen to a voice outside of their heads — that of their parents. However,
when they reach their teen years and no longer want to listen to their
parents, they still follow that same pattern, only this time the voice
outside of their heads no longer belongs to their parents; it belongs to
their “friends.” Drill sergeant parents tend to create kids who are
followers because they have never learned how to make decisions for
themselves.
These kids are rookies in the world of decision making. They’ve never
had to think — the drill sergeant took care of that. The kids have been
ordered around all their lives. They’re as dependent on their parents as
the kids of helicopter parents.
In addition, when the children of drill sergeant parents reach their teen
years, they are even more susceptible to peer pressure than most other
teens. Why? Because, as children, when the costs of mistakes were low,
they were never allowed to make their own decisions but were trained to
listen to a voice outside of their heads — that of their parents. However,
when they reach their teen years and no longer want to listen to their
parents, they still follow that same pattern, only this time the voice
outside of their heads no longer belongs to their parents; it belongs to
their “friends.” Drill sergeant parents tend to create kids who are
followers because they have never learned how to make decisions for
themselves.
So if you think you belong to one of them, then I am sorry to tell you that you are ineffective parent. Don't waste time, change your style, and improve yourself.
Be an effective parent, be a creative influencer of your child.