No one deliberately says something hurtful to someone diagnosed with a disease. But sometimes, it comes out and it's hard to stop. I could very well have said something stupid to a cancer patient. I have been the recipient of some strange remarks. Not all bad. Mostly powerful, encouraging comments of love and support. But it is amazing what a few shitty comments will do to the soul during such a fragile time. The amount of support needed cannot be underestimated. But how? In what ways? Words? Actions? Food? Gifts? A smile? Information? How do you support someone who is facing the disease of their own body? What do you say? What do you not say?
Top 10 list of what not to say or do to your friend who has been diagnosed with cancer:
1. Don't be so negative -- maybe your hair won't fall out.
2. Do you really need to wear that "schmata" (wig) in the house -- isn't it hot?
3. I threw up after my mastectomy.
4. My peach fuzz hair fell out after my last chemo.
5. You know you shouldn't eat any sugar, right?
6. Don't use antiperspirant.
7. You must wake up every day and think you're in a terrible nightmare.
8. Do you feel awful?
9. I was shocked when I found out about you.
10. I'd go without a wig if it were me.
Top 10 list of things to say (or do):
1. Send a basket of food -- no spices or grease. Healthy soup is a good one.
2. Send a thoughtful or humorous card. (I received many that I will always treasure.)
3. Talk about someone who is at least five years out and doing really well.
4. Compliment on an article of clothing or piece of jewelry.
5. Tell the person you are thinking of them every day and sending positive thoughts in their direction.
6. Tell them you are visualizing their well-being and sending them love.
7. Give them a hug.
8. Put a date in your calendar to call them -- and call them -- just to say hi, or email them just to say hi. (This sounds so simple, but receiving a call or message is a wonderful connection during a time that feels so disconnected.)
9. Tell them something really funny, or recommend funny movies. (Cancer patients actually do laugh.)
10. Pray for them, and tell them that you will.
Top 10 list of what not to say or do to your friend who has been diagnosed with cancer:1. Don't be so negative -- maybe your hair won't fall out.
2. Do you really need to wear that "schmata" (wig) in the house -- isn't it hot?
3. I threw up after my mastectomy.
4. My peach fuzz hair fell out after my last chemo.
5. You know you shouldn't eat any sugar, right?
6. Don't use antiperspirant.
7. You must wake up every day and think you're in a terrible nightmare.
8. Do you feel awful?9. I was shocked when I found out about you.
10. I'd go without a wig if it were me.
Top 10 list of things to say (or do):
1. Send a basket of food -- no spices or grease. Healthy soup is a good one.
2. Send a thoughtful or humorous card. (I received many that I will always treasure.)
3. Talk about someone who is at least five years out and doing really well.
4. Compliment on an article of clothing or piece of jewelry.
5. Tell the person you are thinking of them every day and sending positive thoughts in their direction.
6. Tell them you are visualizing their well-being and sending them love.
7. Give them a hug.
8. Put a date in your calendar to call them -- and call them -- just to say hi, or email them just to say hi. (This sounds so simple, but receiving a call or message is a wonderful connection during a time that feels so disconnected.)
9. Tell them something really funny, or recommend funny movies. (Cancer patients actually do laugh.)
10. Pray for them, and tell them that you will.
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